My mother gave some advice a few weeks ago, “I seek to bloom where I am planted.”
I moved to a brand new place about four and 1/2 months ago. I had only visited here briefly earlier in the year, but that was just to see my parents and where they were living. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I used to live in Virginia, but from there I spent a year and 1/2 living overseas.
Anyways, I made the decision to move here, to my parents home, which is in a desert. Honestly, every day I could feel that desert. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I felt empty, alone, and struggles with the simple task of living. Not like I wanted to end my life – but simply life no longer had a purpose. Nothing made sense and I struggled to see how this was a good decision and how things would work out.
I cried a lot. To my parents, to myself, and to God. My life had fallen apart and I could see nothing. I tried getting to know the town, trying to remember streets, people’s names, figure out what life was like here. See how I could once again find community. It was difficult even to do that. I had no desire. I was even reminded by a friend that I am a warrior. I didn’t want to be a warrior. Fighting is long and difficult work. Can’t I simply be and not have to have this struggle?
The one thing I noticed while I walked around our neighborhood was that the plants kept blooming. Summertime was hot and yet there were small delicate flowers on bushes and crazy looking cactus. Autumn has proven to be no different. The desert still has life. It was like a mirror showing me the bits of hope that were still functioning. I could no longer see that hope, but it was there.
It has not been an easy four and 1/2 months. Slowly, over time, my eyes have opened up to the bits of hope that are no longer buds, but have become stronger. My mom’s advice was so simple, and yet so poignant. Never once in this new season of life, had Jesus abandoned me. Even more, I am still called to live through him. I am called to bloom where I am planted because He is the one giving me life and enabling me to bloom.